Falling Behind my Younger Brothers
The Fear of an Older Brother
As kids I was the favorite of my parents, the one that could do no wrong in my family. I was someone that my brothers looked up to for years, yet now it feels like all of that is changing.
Most of my life I felt like my brothers looked up to me like this and that I had been leading the way for them but over the past year I’ve fallen behind drastically them in our adult lives.
Even throughout the pandemic my brothers have been building to success and reaching some of their dreams in 2020 and 2021.
All three of my brothers have been moving to achieve big goals like
- becoming a pilot
- joining the army reserves
- getting into UC Berkeley
I on the other hand am terrified of heights (so I would not go up in this plane), I’m not a solider, and only got into a state school that anyone could get into.
It gets even worse for this older brother
I’ve seen my brothers become far better at all the skills I thought I was good at, only to see them best me.
I thought I was good at cooking… Yet my younger brothers are far better at cooking. They can start from scratch ingredients to make amazing meals.
They have become far more fit after working out every single day. All three of them are fit in their own ways with two having absolutely no fat on their body, to the other being buff as hell. Just a while ago I went rock climbing with one of them and got absolutely destroyed as they raced up and down faster than I could. The ultimate embarrassment for an older brother.
Some of these achievements did take a while for my brothers.
My youngest brother has been learning how to fly in the hopes of becoming a pilot for the past few years. He goes flying several days a week and has done so for the past two years. Additionally reading flight training books too.
The one the got into UC Berkeley has been in community college with the hopes of being accepted into his dream school for the past year and a half. I would watch as he constantly studied to keep a 4.0 GPA sometimes giving entire days just to studying as well as taking the right classes he needed.
Seeing all of their achievements finally start to bloom into real success this year has been a great thing to see as an older brother.
It’s a giant hit to my ego
It makes me question if I’ve been doing the right thing with my life. Did I pick the right school when I went to college? Am I in the right career choice? Should I go back to school for something else?
One of the biggest things I’ve done in my life is working at the Walt Disney theme parks (both Disneyland and Disney World). So that tells you how I feel right now with how my life is going.
Some people say this is incredible and I am in a small minority of people how have done this but it feels so small.
My other “big achievements” feel small in comparison. I have a college degree, I’ve written two manuscripts for novels, and have travelled. There’s other good aspects of my life too. Yet, my achievements feel so small compared to my brothers right now. They have direction in their life and career, while I feel as though I’m wondering around the world lost and confused.
The older brother should be an example to the their younger brothers, yet I have nothing to show. They seem to be better at everything than I am and it hurts. It feels as though I should be able to teach them so much more, help inspire them to reach their goals through my experience but I haven’t felt that way in years.
This could be the case that we are simply drifting away to different goals. All four of us want something different out of our lives and it takes us in different directions.
However it still makes me question if I need to do more to find success in my life the way my brothers have been building success.
Don’t give in to negative self talk
Over the past year I’ve been incredibly jealous of my younger brothers, but it’s also served as an experience to teach me how to create a better foundation to improve my life.
My brothers’ success is something I wish to learn from to create my own success as I look to follow my dreams.
As I contemplate a masters program I wish to apply I wish to take more lessons of how my brothers have spent so much time studying my field.
Following my dreams will mean that I must take my brothers’ lessons for success and take into account what I love to do to find what success means for me. I know that will be continue writing more and more to make sure I sharpen my craft. I goal I hope will to create better content either as novels, short fiction stories, or medium stories.
I want to make sure I have a life I’m proud of personally and be a success to my younger brothers once again.
